I am NOT a fan of horror movies, BUT! after yesterday's
post, I started thinking (remembered):
Cloned meat products are the result of scientists'
boredom, and we may need some "rules" in the future,
which started me thinking about my friend Fluffy (how
she loves to watch cheesy B sci-fi & horror movies).
So, with that in mind, I decided there HAD to be rules for
watching horror movies, and those rules would be ABSO-
FRICKIN-LUTELY PERFECT for dealing with the hoardes
of mutant flesh-eating humans which would inevitably result
from eating cloned meat!
Just think, she reached that conclusion all by herself.
Thanks to Google and SliceOfSciFi.com, I didn't have to search
very far:
Wisdom From Boris:
How To Survive a Horror Movie!
"1. When it appears you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud,
even as a joke.
3. Do not go search for something in the basement,
especially if the power has just gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not speak, or if they speak
to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them
immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run.
*NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them,
so be prepared.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair
off or go alone.
6. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals
to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere
near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house
of the dead.
8. If you are searching for something which caused a loud
noise and you find out it’s just the cat, leave the room
immediatley if you value your life.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
10. Do not take *anything* from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably
for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
12. Don’t fool around with recombinant DNA technology
unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.
13. If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip
or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are
running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s
still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacter-
istic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with
blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing
hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.
16. Stay away from certain geographical locations such as:
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda
Triangle or any small town in Maine.
17. If your car runs out of gas late at night, don’t go to
the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise,
if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles
is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill, stay in the
car.
18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawn-
mowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any
device made from deceased companions.
19. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to
the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than
you could ever hope to be.
20. Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking
violins..." Continued
Well, DUUUH! Any self-respecting alien knows this!
Copyright © S.K.B. [Lifesinger™] All rights reserved.
Image: Copyright © StompTokyo.com
Excerpt: SliceOfSciFi.com/Treck United.
.jpg)
She is kidding, right?! Please tell me she's kidding!
Lawd help us!
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